Post by adam seth faulkner on Aug 26, 2013 23:04:59 GMT -5
| [atrb=border, 0, true][atrb=style, width: 450px; background-color: #7A7A7A; border: #000000 4px solid; opacity: .75;] Adam Seth Faulkner [style=width: 200px; height: 250px; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/micpYvq.png); margin-left: 5px; border: #000000 2px solid; border-radius: 5px;] [/style][style=width: 225px; height: 250px; margin-right: 5px;][style=width: font-family: palatino linotype; font-size: 14px; text-align: left; color: #49425D; background-color: #CCCCCC; text-transform: uppercase; border-radius: 5px; padding: 5px; margin-top: 4px;]No Aliases. December 12th Twenty Five Male, Homosexual Werewolf Adam Von Rothfelder [/style]played by Wheeze [style=background-color: #49425D; padding: 5px; text-align: left; color: #CCCCCC; font-family: arial-narrow; font-size: 16px; text-transform: uppercase; text-shadow: #000000 1px 1px 1px;]CHARACTER PROFILE physical description |
weight: One hundred and forty three pounds.
hair color: Naturally black.
eye color: Cold ice blue.
distinguishing features: One of the most predominate features about Adam has to be his musculature. He is lean yet well built. Adorning both of his arms are lovely sleeves of tattoos, one is a contributing factor to pagan gods such as Poseidon and Hades. The other is homage to one of his favorite movies, a Japanese version of Macbeth done in full black and white. Across his chest is his most noticeable tattoo. It is an unknown last name known only to him. Rothfelder is the last name of the only man he was ever intimate with, and the tragedy that struck him. The large lotus flower and bird that are across his chest and down along his hip are specifically for his sister and her equal love of nature. Outside of that he has two studded ear piercings and a tat that wraps along his back nearly touching his neck and reaching across his spine. Its resemblance of a black fire or almost ghostly hand is a constant reminder of how much disparity has plagued his life.
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interests
Adam has always had an affinity for nature. His much more outdoors approach is unsurprising considering his heritage and family history. He enjoys the cold winter nights the most, feeling the air shift through his hair and the loud crunch the dried leaves of autumn make beneath his boots. He enjoys being outdoors and prefers the fresh air over the exhaust filled stench of the much more urban areas. He often will use the natural mystique of the forests to his advantage to gain an upper hand in certain threatening situations as well, and being able to blend in with natural camouflage never hurt either.
If there’s one thing that can soothe a broken soul, its music, Adam is no exception to that rule. He practically requires it during his daily routines. He’ll actively go out of his way to check out the underground scene and enjoy concerts. It’s one of the only aspects in life that allows him to cut loose and release all of the tension and anger brewing in his life. Music is his escape, his ability to break through the mental barriers he puts up and allow the rifts and lyrics to breathe directly into his very core. He’s very passionate about his music and it may be one of the only times he allows himself to actually smile and feel. It has been a sanctuary and rock in his life for quite a while and
As one might expect, Adam is greatly into fitness. He’s not quite a health nut, well, not entirely, but he requires strenuous daily physical stimulation on a daily basis. He may not always eat the best, but he does go that extra mile…quite literally. Adam runs, hikes, jogs, swims, benches weights and overall uses his body as his own personal fitness equipment to keep in peak physical conditioning. Considering his life as a whole, he had the extra energy growing up to hone his body into both a weapon and a temple. He respects himself physically, enough to keep trash most of the time away from him. He also enjoys the jealous looks and intrigued brows he gets whenever he enters a room, assuming he wants to be seen and make an entrance that is.
Humans and their particular quirks, customs, culture and technology fascinate him. He enjoys being in the know and prides himself with being slightly more tech savvy. Not only does it give him an edge in his private life, it allows him to defend himself by having elaborate security, traps and other dangerous gadgets that keep him in the know. He’s no nerd, in fact were it not for his intrigue amidst the humans and their particular culture he’d not even be able to work a computer. The thrill for life that they give off is quite refreshing and their general energy is something almost palpable. There are times where he’s found he can connect with the younger crowds, understanding their worries and woes and it brings him back to a time when he was younger. The loss of his sister stole that pride instinct from him, that ability to look out into the world and know someone he cared about so deeply had accomplished so much. That was robbed from him and often times he will stay amidst the younger teenagers and college students to recollect what it felt like to be in that older brother and role model role.
He has a drive to explore further than this town could ever offer, than this state could even offer him. He has an instinctual need to roam and stake a claim in his territory, as would be expected of him. However, despite his love of charting previously undiscovered lands and thus things about himself, he restrains that heavy desire with everything he has. He’s desperately stuck to the past and cannot come to the conclusion that he must move on with his life. He struggles with his animal side, wishing to explore, to venture further than he had before. Instead he miserably storms about the same forest and same town as though he were furious at the world, and there are days that he truly is. However to fault his own inability to leave this town on the rest of the world is wrong he knows, the only thing that’s keeping him here…is himself.
dislikes
Death is a constant premise within his life. His life is surrounded by death, all of those that he held near and dear, all of his loved ones and people he cared about are connected through the strings of death. He himself however was never blessed nor cursed with the kiss of death. It is as though it mocks his very existence, as though the gods of fate toy with him. He has lost everyone that has ever even gotten remotely close to him and as such, he refuses to allow it to happen again. Being reminded of all that he has lost is also a trigger for him and can easily set him off into a rage. He feels horribly responsible for every consequence and blames only himself. However he is not so blind nor filled with self pity to forget that it was not him that initially struck the killing blows that murdered his family, nor was it he that bit the man he cared for. He has deep seeded hatred as well as vengeance that nestles along his wounded heart. He hides his emotions well however, not allowing them to boil over until he decrees.
He has only ever lost control of his emotions and shifted without consent once, when he was a younger horny teenager. He hates feeling helpless from his own mind and being unable to control his actions. It brings him to a place of uselessness that he is uncomfortable being near. As such because of his heavy devotion to his exercise routines and training, he has been able to keep the inner beast at bay. He knows however, it is only a matter of time before it bursts from his skin. The uselessness he feels whenever he is amidst his more animal urges infuriates him and as such he does everything in his power to not allow his mind to slip into that dark place that wells just beneath the surface of his usual cool exterior. He has been known to be very quick to anger and is prone to short lapses of partial shifting whenever he has been threatened, felt unsafe or was in a situation of extreme pressure and fury. He tries to not allow himself to fall prey to that however and avoids it whenever he can.
Due to circumstances of his past Adam is incredibly uneasy whenever there are other supernatural beings about. It’s only natural for him to despise hunters, but he knows that other creatures of the night are just as dangerous and wicked. That it should not only be the man in front of you one should watch out for, but the beast lurking just beneath one’s peripheral. He’s almost paranoid when it comes to other supernatural beings and it’s very clear that he holds an incredible dislike for them immediately. His face contorts into a scowl and while he’s not very talkative to begin with, when around another - even a werewolf he seems on edge and almost downright mute. He’s not usually a vicious sort but he will protect himself, all he needs is a reason. Vampires particularly make his hair stand on edge and his claws itch. He’s not stupid about it however, he can tell when there is a genuine threat and when it’s simply bravado. He’s more open to his own kind but don’t expect any sort of warm welcome. While he feels a slight kinship to other weres it isn’t what is generally expected or shown. He may be open to the idea of training or trading secrets for certain aspects, almost bartering but that’s where he draws the line. He’s not willing to grow close to any of his kind and if there is an alpha about expect him to be either lurking or long gone.
Adam is anything but brave and courageous. He may have the qualities and capabilities to be such, but he knows his limits and he isn’t ignorant about it. Pride isn’t usually a factor unless heavily provoked and while he can take a beating and dish one out too, he prefers not to. He’s not a fighter, not in his heart at least. He’s more of a defender, a guardian, and a failed one at that. However, being baited or purposely using his family history against him, or even somehow finding other weaknesses within him and using them to gain the upper hand will send him into a frenzy. He absolutely abhors having his weaknesses played upon and exploited for someone else’s gain. If there’s one thing not to do when around him it’s to rouse him for a kick, he will not hold back and he may severely injure or kill someone if they touch a sensitive topic. He guards himself behind a thick wall of insensitivity but the truth is that the secrets he holds in his heart, the ones that keep him not only grounded but hinder him from achieving alpha status are the ones he keeps closest to his chest. If someone were to pry into them and use his insecurities as a son, brother, werewolf or even person he would react in a very negative light. Depending upon the silver tongue of the person however, he may find himself crippled with inaction, and that is something he despises as well.
Adam is a very closed off individual, he cannot properly express his emotions and thus allows them to boil in the pit of his stomach until they erupt. However, whenever another person outwardly expresses their emotions, specifically tears and crying it becomes an inescapable situation for him and he is unable to handle it. Whenever he sees someone crying, for whatever the reason, his first reaction would be to bail or abandon whatever it was he was doing and see himself off. He’s not a very comforting and loving person; in fact he’s quite cold and bitter. If there’s a moment of weakness that he cannot stand above all, it is when someone is crying. He sees no benefit to it, and it honestly freaks him out a little. Whenever someone is on the verge of tears or the waterworks have started he tends to freeze up and can’t figure out the proper way to respond. Their feelings are already hurt, he’d much rather simply back off than try to fix the situation. He’s skittish and unpredictable like that.
fears & secrets
Fears: Adam has a bizarre fear of other alpha wolves. He despises the idea of being in a pack and being surrounded by those he may one day consider family. He has a serious issue with commitment, especially to others that may need to depend on him or especially look up to him. He doesn’t wish to grow close to another werewolf only to have them ripped from his heart again. He fears having those commitments because of disappointing them. He has an irrational terror of letting someone down when they need him most; he cannot go through that kind of crap again. He also has a fear of complacency, as feeling content not only makes one vulnerable, but it also creates a vacuum of weakness. There is no challenge or conflict to struggle against; there can be no personal growth…That is his fear…to be weak in a situation and thus helpless to do anything about it.
Secrets: A secret he clutches close to his heart is his self loathing and disgust for the death of his younger sister. They were practically the best of friends; she looked up to him and loved him more than he had any right to expect. She was everything to him and he took care of her as though she was the only thing in his life that mattered. When that bond was severed, when his sister Julia was murdered…taken from him and he was powerless to stop it because he wasn’t physically there, the pain raked through him like nothing he had ever felt. Their bond was so strong that with her passing, he shut down. He still to this day blames himself for her death, he could not be there for her and she died without him there to protect her. It eats him up inside every day and while it wasn’t directly his fault, he still believes it to be. It’s a shame he carries with him like a part of his soul had been snuffed out. Prior to Julia’s death however, there had been a man in his life. He too blames himself for this man’s death, exposing him to the supernatural and trying to show him a side of himself no one else had ever had the privilege of seeing. It backfired on him, drew the man into the world and made him a target. Because of it, he was assaulted by a vampire and used like a pawn. Adam had to murder him as both a mercy and out of self defense when he attacked him. The pain of two deaths on his heart is often times very difficult to bear and it has colored his general perceptions on life and has made him incredibly wary of others, both hunters and other supernatural beings.
Secrets: A secret he clutches close to his heart is his self loathing and disgust for the death of his younger sister. They were practically the best of friends; she looked up to him and loved him more than he had any right to expect. She was everything to him and he took care of her as though she was the only thing in his life that mattered. When that bond was severed, when his sister Julia was murdered…taken from him and he was powerless to stop it because he wasn’t physically there, the pain raked through him like nothing he had ever felt. Their bond was so strong that with her passing, he shut down. He still to this day blames himself for her death, he could not be there for her and she died without him there to protect her. It eats him up inside every day and while it wasn’t directly his fault, he still believes it to be. It’s a shame he carries with him like a part of his soul had been snuffed out. Prior to Julia’s death however, there had been a man in his life. He too blames himself for this man’s death, exposing him to the supernatural and trying to show him a side of himself no one else had ever had the privilege of seeing. It backfired on him, drew the man into the world and made him a target. Because of it, he was assaulted by a vampire and used like a pawn. Adam had to murder him as both a mercy and out of self defense when he attacked him. The pain of two deaths on his heart is often times very difficult to bear and it has colored his general perceptions on life and has made him incredibly wary of others, both hunters and other supernatural beings.
personality
Aloof, unapproachable, downright creepy. These are all aspects of Adam’s personality that can easily scare off even the most kind of souls. He’s a usual grump; not very easy to speak to if he even speaks at all. His language, which is rarely heard, is typically painfully if not refreshingly honest. He speaks in a straight blunt to the point aspect. He lacks a sort of filter and isn’t afraid of hurting another’s feelings, he isn’t going to sugar coat bad news and isn’t even remotely afraid to insult another individual if they piss him off enough. He tells it straight and has always been that way. Its typically one of the reasons he cannot hold onto friends, not that he’d want them.
He masks himself beneath a guise of uncaring but one can see it in those cold blue eyes of his, how miserable he actually is. He’s a lonely loner that has severe trouble expressing his emotions in a healthy outward fashion. He’s knowledgeable and very much knows the ways of both being a werewolf and surviving on his own, yet when push comes to shove he’s still an introvert. He lacks social graces, basic communication skills and usually gives off this aura of piss off. He’s emotionally repressed how deepl scarred he is over the death of both the man he loved and his family. He’s not particularly a coward, but he knows his limits and isn’t about to run charging head first into a situation that requires bravery and certain death - unless it involves revenge. He’s a bit head strong with how much anger and hatred he harbors for other people, living with a paranoia that anyone could be the one that murdered his family. He’s a realistic, pessimist and incredibly withdrawn all rolled into one. He has incredible trust issues and isn’t going to open up even if he has to work with someone else or if a circumstance pits him to ally with someone.
He’s surprisingly, very surprisingly though, still willing to train new weres that have just come into their powers. He knows his responsibility and the repercussions of allowing the secret to slip, and thus one will find him very willing to train and cooperate with newly initiated werewolves, but only werewolves. However, his help doesn’t come without a price, one someone must be willing to pay. He’ll lay it out on the line quite plainly, a favor for a favor and if one is unwilling, he’ll simply walk away.
When he’s attracted to another man, and he has for some reason, an intrigue in younger human men…He cannot properly express his feelings what so ever. He doesn’t know how to open up anymore and often times his version of flirting will come off as tolerance, annoyance or downright irritation. He will however, go to great lengths to protect the one’s he cares about - if this were to ever happen again. He’s loyal to a fault and he knows it’s a weakness within him, yet if he were to ever find another man that caught his eye - it would be difficult to leave his sights. He’d become almost stalkerish in the way he would stare and be around, far too cowardous to approach the man in question. If there was ever anyone brave enough to break through the ice around his heart, they would find him incredibly caring and affectionate though, which may be shocking. He simply wants to be able to let down his barriers and trust again; he wants to know what it feels like to love again. He feels he may be too broken for that though and instead tends to keep to himself, finding it incredibly difficult to heal his old wounds.
He masks himself beneath a guise of uncaring but one can see it in those cold blue eyes of his, how miserable he actually is. He’s a lonely loner that has severe trouble expressing his emotions in a healthy outward fashion. He’s knowledgeable and very much knows the ways of both being a werewolf and surviving on his own, yet when push comes to shove he’s still an introvert. He lacks social graces, basic communication skills and usually gives off this aura of piss off. He’s emotionally repressed how deepl scarred he is over the death of both the man he loved and his family. He’s not particularly a coward, but he knows his limits and isn’t about to run charging head first into a situation that requires bravery and certain death - unless it involves revenge. He’s a bit head strong with how much anger and hatred he harbors for other people, living with a paranoia that anyone could be the one that murdered his family. He’s a realistic, pessimist and incredibly withdrawn all rolled into one. He has incredible trust issues and isn’t going to open up even if he has to work with someone else or if a circumstance pits him to ally with someone.
He’s surprisingly, very surprisingly though, still willing to train new weres that have just come into their powers. He knows his responsibility and the repercussions of allowing the secret to slip, and thus one will find him very willing to train and cooperate with newly initiated werewolves, but only werewolves. However, his help doesn’t come without a price, one someone must be willing to pay. He’ll lay it out on the line quite plainly, a favor for a favor and if one is unwilling, he’ll simply walk away.
When he’s attracted to another man, and he has for some reason, an intrigue in younger human men…He cannot properly express his feelings what so ever. He doesn’t know how to open up anymore and often times his version of flirting will come off as tolerance, annoyance or downright irritation. He will however, go to great lengths to protect the one’s he cares about - if this were to ever happen again. He’s loyal to a fault and he knows it’s a weakness within him, yet if he were to ever find another man that caught his eye - it would be difficult to leave his sights. He’d become almost stalkerish in the way he would stare and be around, far too cowardous to approach the man in question. If there was ever anyone brave enough to break through the ice around his heart, they would find him incredibly caring and affectionate though, which may be shocking. He simply wants to be able to let down his barriers and trust again; he wants to know what it feels like to love again. He feels he may be too broken for that though and instead tends to keep to himself, finding it incredibly difficult to heal his old wounds.
CHARACTER BACKGROUND & HISTORY
family
FATHER: Micheal Faulkner • EMT • DECEASED
MOTHER: Jodi (Levins) Faulkner • Doctor • DECEASED
SIBLING: Julia Faulkner • Student • AGE 16 • DECEASED
MOTHER: Jodi (Levins) Faulkner • Doctor • DECEASED
SIBLING: Julia Faulkner • Student • AGE 16 • DECEASED
behind the mask
Born into a hierarchy of werewolves Adam has had all of his life to train and hone his skills. He’s a very powerful and strong werewolf with a near mastery of his shifting. He knows exactly how to control his shifting and when to let it cut loose. He rarely ever loses his tight control over his powers, only when he’s threatened and under dire circumstances will he shift, otherwise he remains in his human form. He’s a powerful beta simply because he refuses to be alpha. His father was the alpha and by all respects the role falls to him, however he lacks the social graces and motivation to run a pack. He’d be an omega if it were not for the fact that his entire life he’s learned how to take care of himself and survive amongst other packs. He is the beta without a pack and simply fine with that, for now at least. Overall he’s true neutral, preferring to completely ignore everything around him and do his own damn thing. He doesn’t want pack drama, other supernatural threats or even snot nosed bastard kids intervening in his life. He’d classify himself as dark if push came to shove, not unwilling to do what needs to be done, had he the option to slay his family’s murders he’d do it in a heartbeat. However, he doesn’t have the means to find their killers and for right now, he’d rather stay out of it all.
history
Since I am atrocious at histories, this is what you will get, bullets!
- Born to a werewolf father and mother, his father was the leader of their pack as well as the head EMT at the local hospital. His mother was a doctor that worked late shifts at the hospital, from their accounts their meeting and prompt falling in love and marriage was all fine and lovely.
- Four years later Adam’s sister Julia was born, from that moment on Adam felt the responsibilities of being a big brother almost immediately.
- From years of K through 9th grade Adam was just a normal kid, no one told him about his eventual downward spiral into the secret family curse. He lived a normal life, had friends, played football and for all intensive purposes was an overall swell kid, was decent in school, not a huge nerd but not a total flunky either.
- After he hit puberty was when the first changes of his adolescence began, and not simply pimples, body odor and growth spurts either. Around the time of his 13th birthday was his first real transition into a werewolf. It was both horrifying and also strangely liberating, as though he’d been carrying the secret without knowledge his whole life he was finally let in on the information.
- Around the age of 17 was when he graduated high school as well as met his first and to this day only intimate partner. His sister Julia was very supportive of him throughout their entire childhood and while she promised to be there for him when he announced his sexuality to his parents, he would be there for her when she started high school.
- Adam started to feel restless and he realized that being a werewolf was not all that fantastic. It was a bit of a shock when he realized he couldn’t particularly do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it all the time. The first few changes were rough and trying to control them was nearly impossible, but with his father’s help he was able to master the control in well over a year, but that was just too long for him. He began his rebellious spurt into trying to shed his fur as the case may be and against his parents’ wishes he headed off to college.
- At the first year in college him and his now boyfriend Justin Rothfelder tragedy struck. Justin was shown his secret world, a world Adam didn’t realize he wasn’t ready to witness. They immediately were forced apart mostly by Justin’s reactions and his overall fear. Adam was heartbroken at first, but continued to try to at least talk to Justin, after all he was the only man he’d had eyes for before. However Justin had been bitten by a vampire prior to their previous encounter, he’d been made a target having learned of the supernatural now. With his new fangs and his blood lust on red alert, he assaulted the first warm body that he could see…Which happened to be Adam. Adam tried his best but had no choice in the end; he had to kill the only man he’d ever loved. As he lay there dying in his arms in the woods of their college campus Adam realized just how powerful his curse and gift truly were.
- He spent the next two years of his college alone and miserable, desperately speaking to his little sister and apologizing profusely about not being there for her high school milestones. He missed his sister more than words could describe, more than ever since Justin’s death. He never told her what happened, simply lied and said they broke up.
- As he was graduating from college a second tragedy struck his world. His family was renowned in the parts by supernatural hunters, and it only took one slight slip of balance before the entire scale came tumbling down. His father was threatened, death threats against his family. It was enough to set him off; he attacked one of the younger hunters, but not injured nor turned him. It was all the fodder the hunters needed, they sprang a trap and one by one his family was murdered in their own home, in the middle of the night when they were at their most vulnerable.
- The home is still smeared with blood and while it was repossessed by the state, they had yet to renovate it over again; Adam will remain there from time to time, trespassing without a care in the world to mourn the death of his family. He had not learned about their deaths until graduation day itself, when they’d pulled him aside and broke the news.
- He was absolutely devastated over the loss of his family, and his sister in particular. He went into a fit of rage, the only single time he’d ever lost control after his father had trained him. He nearly assaulted someone; he tore his dorm room up and left that day to return to his home for their funeral.
- He had to get a shitty job to help pay for the funeral costs. He never imagined he’d be paying for his own sister’s funeral, the reality of the situation cut deep.
- He was hired and still works as a bar tender at the local pub, the decent nightly hours and swell tips keep him afloat if anything else. He feels a broken man; as though his heart had stopped beating after all of the deaths of his loved ones.
- He was able to rent an apartment near one of the college campuses, and while part of him despises it, especially because of all the little shit college kids that think they could punk or torment him…However with the low rent he was able to scrape up enough to buy an older mustang, it’s nice and black and he loves that car like his baby.
- Now he spends most of his time wandering the forest by himself when he’s not returning to his old home, working or scouting for any dangerous new entities that might try to stake a claim in either him or this town. He’s the beta with no pack, the alpha that could be but refuses.
the puppetmaster
time rping
Around 8-9 years experience.
how you got here
Saw it as an advertisement on another werewolf site!
rp sample
[style=font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 10px; color: #000000; text-transform: uppercase; text-align: left; padding: 5px;] Taken from my most recent endeavors just "casual" roleplaying with my friend the other day:
Blood…There was blood dripping down onto the floor with a slow metronome. Her cerulean eyes watched in horror as it slid down her fingers and splattered across the wood paneling. Her terror filled eyes glanced up, in for a moment she saw the shadows again, her attacker with blood red eyes and a crooked smile, the same that stalked her in her nightmares. She gasped and took a forceful step back, her hands half curled in front of her face as she shook. But then the shadows vanished, and her moments of delusion and psychosis evaporated. There stood Disoto, with claw marks across his face, neck and arms…Defensive wounds that she had given him, she had attacked him. Her heart clenched in her chest and she shriveled at the revelation. “Sorry…I-I’m sorry…I’m so-so sorry…†Her vocal chords shook and she did her best not to burst into tears again. Not a lot of what he said fully resonated with her, she heard her name but it was muffled in the distance because of her pulse pounding paranoia that had etched itself into her very presence.
She felt his warm callused hands cup her face, but she couldn’t bring herself to look into his eyes. Her heart stopped when he mentioned the word love, she looked at him with an expression of sorrow and regret that could drown sunshine itself. Soft quiet tears drew from the corners of her eyes, streaking down her cold pale skin to form another multitude of lines that looked more like indents than anything. She sighed heavily; it was shaky and wrought with guilt. “I-I…I meant-t- to…†She choked on her words, shaking her head and retreating from his grasp. “I-I meant to l-love you…†The words physically hurt to say as she looked at him with a heavy and sudden pain, it was…sobering. It shook her right out of her delusions. “I-I wanted…t-to tell you…at the airport b-but then…your son...a-and wife…I-I…†She choked back a bitter cry of agony, biting her tongue and drawing her lips into her mouth to gnaw on them. “Not like this…†She sighed; somehow she nearly floated toward the window on the opposite side of the apartment.
Her head hung low as she gripped the window sill with such ferocity her knuckles bleached. She took long and steady breaths trying to calm herself. This was her first moment of clarity in god only knew how long. She still had the ever present feeling of vulnerability within her muscles however, and thus she couldn’t stop her trembling despite speaking clearly and with precision. Her eyes stayed glued to the street outside, watching the lights flicker on as she fought with everything she had to keep her flashbacks away. “I don’t…want you to love me, not like this…†She sighed heavily. “I don’t want you to pity me, feel you can protect me…S-shoulder my burden.†She began to falter, her hair curtained over her forearms as she struggled to stay on her feet. “I want…to be normal again. Then…M-maybe, but even then…Y-you have other responsibilities. I don’t want to be a guilty pleasure.†She whimpered, forcing herself to stand strong and continue. “Rather...W-Would you train me to defend myself Disoto?†She glanced back, a faint smile on her lips, almost as though the old her had returned for the most miniscule of moments it vanished just as quickly. She turned to glance at the now cold grilled cheese sitting on her kitchen table before she hesitantly approached the table and sat down, far too exhausted to want to move anymore. “Thank you Disoto…I won’t keep you anymore.†She muttered down toward the table, a miserable expression prevalent on her face. She wanted to say she loved him, deep down she did…She always had. But…Now life was different, now life was hell and she didn’t want to love him when she herself wasn’t the same. She desperately hoped he would understand, but feared he wouldn’t…If it meant losing him…She’d already lost so much already, what more was a broken heart to her?
Posts are typically longer than this however so, expect more.
CURRENT MEMBERS Just this one <3.
Blood…There was blood dripping down onto the floor with a slow metronome. Her cerulean eyes watched in horror as it slid down her fingers and splattered across the wood paneling. Her terror filled eyes glanced up, in for a moment she saw the shadows again, her attacker with blood red eyes and a crooked smile, the same that stalked her in her nightmares. She gasped and took a forceful step back, her hands half curled in front of her face as she shook. But then the shadows vanished, and her moments of delusion and psychosis evaporated. There stood Disoto, with claw marks across his face, neck and arms…Defensive wounds that she had given him, she had attacked him. Her heart clenched in her chest and she shriveled at the revelation. “Sorry…I-I’m sorry…I’m so-so sorry…†Her vocal chords shook and she did her best not to burst into tears again. Not a lot of what he said fully resonated with her, she heard her name but it was muffled in the distance because of her pulse pounding paranoia that had etched itself into her very presence.
She felt his warm callused hands cup her face, but she couldn’t bring herself to look into his eyes. Her heart stopped when he mentioned the word love, she looked at him with an expression of sorrow and regret that could drown sunshine itself. Soft quiet tears drew from the corners of her eyes, streaking down her cold pale skin to form another multitude of lines that looked more like indents than anything. She sighed heavily; it was shaky and wrought with guilt. “I-I…I meant-t- to…†She choked on her words, shaking her head and retreating from his grasp. “I-I meant to l-love you…†The words physically hurt to say as she looked at him with a heavy and sudden pain, it was…sobering. It shook her right out of her delusions. “I-I wanted…t-to tell you…at the airport b-but then…your son...a-and wife…I-I…†She choked back a bitter cry of agony, biting her tongue and drawing her lips into her mouth to gnaw on them. “Not like this…†She sighed; somehow she nearly floated toward the window on the opposite side of the apartment.
Her head hung low as she gripped the window sill with such ferocity her knuckles bleached. She took long and steady breaths trying to calm herself. This was her first moment of clarity in god only knew how long. She still had the ever present feeling of vulnerability within her muscles however, and thus she couldn’t stop her trembling despite speaking clearly and with precision. Her eyes stayed glued to the street outside, watching the lights flicker on as she fought with everything she had to keep her flashbacks away. “I don’t…want you to love me, not like this…†She sighed heavily. “I don’t want you to pity me, feel you can protect me…S-shoulder my burden.†She began to falter, her hair curtained over her forearms as she struggled to stay on her feet. “I want…to be normal again. Then…M-maybe, but even then…Y-you have other responsibilities. I don’t want to be a guilty pleasure.†She whimpered, forcing herself to stand strong and continue. “Rather...W-Would you train me to defend myself Disoto?†She glanced back, a faint smile on her lips, almost as though the old her had returned for the most miniscule of moments it vanished just as quickly. She turned to glance at the now cold grilled cheese sitting on her kitchen table before she hesitantly approached the table and sat down, far too exhausted to want to move anymore. “Thank you Disoto…I won’t keep you anymore.†She muttered down toward the table, a miserable expression prevalent on her face. She wanted to say she loved him, deep down she did…She always had. But…Now life was different, now life was hell and she didn’t want to love him when she herself wasn’t the same. She desperately hoped he would understand, but feared he wouldn’t…If it meant losing him…She’d already lost so much already, what more was a broken heart to her?
Posts are typically longer than this however so, expect more.
CURRENT MEMBERS Just this one <3.
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